The ramblings of Yuffie
by Kadaj
Summary: ...Another note to self: never cackle manically while drinking a soft drink...better make that any drink FINAL CHAPTER UP!
1. Keep the men in white away!

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**A/N: Again, this is something I had to do for extra credit. But, I got the idea from a fic on here about how Yami Bakura got his own journal. So forgive me if it sounds familiar!**

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Materia. Materia. Materia! Ahh, there's nothing like it! Heh, and it will all be mine. You know why? Well, that's half of the reason I'm writing in this journal thing. No one can stop me from stealing it all!

....Well, except for Cloud....

...and Vinny.

...and Cid.

...and Barret.

...and Tifa.

...and Red

...and Cait Sith...

No, no, no!!! I just remembered something! Who am I going to steal from if we don't win against Sephiroth?

Not that that will matter considering the fact THAT WE'LL ALL BE FRIGGING DEAD!!!!! Grrrr. If I ever get my hands on him...

Crap, what if he ever got his hands on this? In that case, I LOVE YOU SEPHIROTH!!!! GO AHEAD AND TAKE OVER THE PLANET! IT'S FINE BY GOOD OLD YUFFIE!!! Sigh, I need something better to do than scream random things at a stupid book. Anyway, back to this plan of mine. You see, I've been thinking....

Yes, I do think.

Once we get to Sephiroth and everything, I can kind of, well, wait towards the back while everyone fights him. The first person goes down, and BAM! I grab their Materia and run off screaming like a coward. And how will this work, might you ask? I bet you're thinking that everyone will be close together and stuff so I can't grab it.

LOSERS!!!!

I've memorized everyone's movements in battle, and if I'm right (which I hope to God I am) they will spread out and stay sparse so they could attack Sephiroth easier.

Genius.

Yeah, but then I'm sure Barret would've chased after me, all the while denouncing me.

Yep, I'm pretty sure I have no deliberation whatsoever. But, I have to get that Materia! My dad's way too stringent these kinds of things. One time, I accidentally forgot to clean my room; he took away my Materia for a whole week! One does NOT take away The Great Yuffie's Materia, EVER!

Huh, oh! Vinny's outside!!! I'm waving to him...and he's just staring. Heh, I love annoying him. I remember I once came up to him, pulled down the stupid cloak part covering half his face, and screamed "Hey Vinny!! You know what?! I think we were twins separated at birth or something! You know, like equivalents!"

I never knew someone could walk that fast.

Forget that, lets get back to the Materia. Ugh. Isn't there ANY way I can steal it from them. I tried that one time in Wutai, but then that stupid tootsie roll had to capture me, and who saved me? The Turks! Sure, Cloud, Vinny, and Cid were there too, but it was the Turks who killed him. Pitiful!

I know! I'll ask Cloud to 'lend' me his Materia, and tell him I'll give him some collateral in exchange. Of course, that doesn't mean I have to give it to him right away...

I'm cackling madly now, Tifa just entered the room, but then dashed out again after hearing me laughing, muttering something about dinner. I just turned on the TV and...nothing on but some stupid movie about some dude chastising some other dude cause he stole something. BORING! Man, my butt's falling asleep. Geez, I've been writing for what, an hour already?

You know what? Another time, we were all sleeping in the same room cause there was only one room left in the inn, and I could hear Cloud -scarcely over Barret's snoring- talking in his sleep. He was mumbling something about how he enacted as a princess in a third grade play.

I was both humored, and utterly horrified at the same time. Though, it was WAY too redundant for my tastes. On another random note, IT'S SO HOT IN HERE!!! I can practically see the fervor. It's just ridiculous. Huh? What do you want Tifa...

Why are those men in white behind you?

Why do they have a straight jacket with them...No!! You'll never take my journal!! Never!!! MUAHAHAHAH-

**Please review!**

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	2. I'm not in love! I'm not!

**_A/N: Well, this was supposed to be a oneshot, but I decided to continue you it :grins:   
Warning though, Yuffie/Vincent is involved in this one. Haters of this couple stay away._**

**_Disclaimer: nope, not mine_**

You know what, I never thought keeping a journal could be so much fun.

Ha, and Tifa thought I wouldn't be able to get this baby back! Hehehe, never underestimate the power of a ninja! Anyways, right now we're sitting in the inn of Rocket town. Why, might you ask are we all the way in Rocket town? Well, after finally convincing the doctors at that weird mental hospital that I wasn't psycho, just 'special' me and Vinny have to wait here for the others to come pick us up.

Ahh, what a perfect time for us to bond. He's staring at me with one perfect eyebrow raised, soft, perfect skin shining in the- AHH!! What am I thinking?? No, I don't like him that way; I swear it! It's really just your imagination. I did not just say I'm in love with Vincent.

Uhh, back to what's up now. Actually, I'm examining under the table, at the café in the inn, this perfect Bahamut materia I stole from the ex Turk while he wasn't looking. What?! He can't see under the table! Uh oh, he looks like he suspects something. Maybe it's the fact that I have a malicious glint in my eyes. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm drooling....

Whatever-oh no! He's asking me what I did. I uhh, didn't do anything! There's nothing under the table, it's just your imagination vampy! Crap, he's fast. Man, he DOES not look too happy. No wait, he just sighed...and didn't get angry?!!

"Don't do it again...."

That's all he said; I swear it! Whoa, what's wrong with him? Maybe if I poke him, he'll go back to normal.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Nothing, his eyebrow keeps twitching though. Yep, that's getting tedious now. Hmm, this sucks; I wanted to annoy him. But hey, it was just playful banter; he's too serious all the time! Aww man, I just remembered something. We have to go all the way back to the Northern cave. ....Yes we had been in there, but...Cait Sith chickened out. Yeah, that's it! ....Okay, so maybe I was scared! I mean there were dragons, mole thingies, and weird birds! I ran straight out of there after a saw a GIANT, dragon with bloody teeth and long, deadly claws. Hmph, Cloud and Cid sure didn't. In fact, out of all of AVALANCHE, the only person who followed me out to make sure I was okay...was the guy sitting across the table from me.

Bad Yuffie, bad! Stop acting all mushy; this is Vincent we're talking about. I mean, he's just a regular guy. What, with that long, silky black hair, and those sharp, enthralling, crimson eyes, and that blood red cape....time to slap myself! Owie. Note to self: NEVER do that again. Hehehe I saw you move slightly away vampy. Bet you think I'm very much unstable, huh? Would I like something to drink? Okay...why's he being so nice to me? A shrug is NOT a good answer. But, what-the-hey, I can't pass up a yummy drink!

Mmmmm Sprite.

...I'm...choking!!!! Phew, Vinny patted me on the back hard enough so I spit up my drink on another customer. Another note to self: never cackle manically while drinking a soft drink...better make that any drink. Ugh, my hand's cramping up from writing so much. I know! I'll take notes on every single person in this café.

Drunk man at the bar: Old, hairy, ummm drunk. Keeps looking over here....and not at my face either. Okay, now you're making me belligerent pal...

Whoa, never knew that a plastic dagger could actually hurt. Now's he's lying on the ground, acting like he had a seizure. Stupid pig. Vincent's...oh my gosh! It can't be! He was...he was laughing! Stoic, bad boy Vinny was laughing!! I ask him about it, and he bluntly denies everything. Hmph, I know I saw it; I know I'm legitimate. And, I know I can see that crimson tint on your cheekbones Vinny. Aw, enough of all this mumbo jumbo.

That reminds me, I think I should be leader of AVALANCHE. Hey, I'm plenty condescending; I could be a great leader! I can start my own business: Yuffie's Thieving ways!, and the of course, there will be plenty of prosperity in my "successful" business. I can have my own little space, my own proximity to think about our next plans....

And get even closer to the materia. Hehehehe. That would be "groovy!" .....Leviathan, I'm such a dork. Hey, I can hear the airship engines. Vinny's getting to his feet, and tells me time to go. Geez, he's really good at hiding things; he's not the only one though.

Vincent, you look really handsome when you smile...

**I'm pretty sure Yuffie wouldn't sue those words like those, like belligerent, but that's what we had to do for this assignment in school. Tell me what you think!**


	3. Spring cleaning!

A/N Man, I'm really liking this story now. I glad you people are reviewing. It means a lot to me. Thankyou! Huggles reviewers But, before you guys go all crazy on me, I believe Hojo never died. I mean, wouldn't the Jenova in him not allow him to die? Well, just bear with me. Here's another one!

Disclaimer: I dun own Yuffie, Vincent, or anything else relating to FFVII. I also don't own Lassie….

PT. 3

You know what? I never actually thought people could fly.

Heh, Cid sure did prove me wrong. Hey, don't blame me; I didn't know that barrier magic would be THAT powerful. Sorry, but that's what you get for trying to attack me! That reminds me….

SEPHIROTH IS FINALLY DEAD!!! YAAAAAY!!! BRING OUT THE CHAMPAGNE AND BOOOOOOOOOZZZEEE!!!! Yes! In your face psycho dude! Still, he scared me a LOT. Shudder. He liked his hair too much; he'd frigging call his hair 'my precious' and purr when he brushed it! I know, I saw! ……Okay it's not my fault I was spying….so what if he was in a hot spring….unclothed….with peeping Yuffie hiding behind a few rocks…

Ummm, anyway I'm in Nibelhiem right now. To be exact, the foyer of the ShinRA mansion. More specifically, believe it or not, CLEANING. Sigh. Well, Vinny's house is too dirty and….OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! IT'S A ROACH!!!! Vincent just came running in with his gun.

He doesn't look too happy.

"What are you doing here Yuffie?"

I grinned at him, and said I was cleaning. Why? What do you mean why? Your house is a mess! Oh, and why am I writing and talking at the same time? Cause I'm special. No! Don't take it! HISS!!!

Good, he's backing away now. He asked why I'm writing so much. Noe of your business you hot son of a-

…..Uhhh never mind.

"I don't want the mansion cleaned." Ha! Yeah right, there's too much dust here. I'm shoving him out the door, and writing in unison. Now, that's talent!

"Don't do anything-" Muahahahaha!!! I shut the door in his face….

….and he's gonna kill me. Soooo, what should I clean first? Hmmm, maybe I should go clean his coffin.

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Whoa, this thing is really dirty. Dust, dust, dust, and…holy Leviathan…

Is that a voodoo doll?!

Hey, it kind of looks like Hojo. I wonder what would happen if I poked it in the ass with this conveniently placed pin?

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"Dear gods of science!!!!!" Hojo screamed, clutching his butt in agony. "That's the third time this year!!" (AN: for the sake of the story, I still believe Hojo's alive!) Slowly, Timmy backed away….

"Timmy! Look out for the well!" Lassie barked hopelessly in doggie language! SPLAT!!! And so Lassie ran off to find Timmy's mother tell her her son for some reason decided to fall down a well, and the stupid lady would question, "What's that Lassie? Did Timmy fall down a well?"

Back to the story…

* * *

Okay, I'm done with the coffin. Now, I'm walking up this stupid spiral staircase.

….and walking.

….and walking.

….and tripping.

….and rolling backwards.

And I bet you're wondering how I can write and tumble down the stairs at the same time. As I said before, I'm special. Owie. My head hurts. Well, since the stairs seem to hate me, I guess I'll start on the lab.

Lalalalalalala.

Yuck. Smells like Hojo, only ten times worse. Time to dust the examining table.

……let's ignore the red spots for now.

……and the sharp needles.

……and bet you're getting sick of these dots now. Oh, a journal! Wait, maybe I shouldn't open it. It belongs to another fellow journal writer…aw hell! It's just Hojo.

………

………..

……….

I've been scarred for life. There, I put that thing where it belongs, in the trash! Ugh, that guy was scary before, but this? This just hits the nail on the WEAPON. This is going to take oodles and oodles of time to finish. Oh poopie! Huh? Uh oh. It's that ominous music. You know:

Duna

Duna

Dunaduna

Dunaduna

Dundundundun- AHHHHHHHH!!!

Oh, it's just Reno. RENO?!!! I calmly ask him what he's doing here. Well, more like screamed.

"Everyone knows Nibelhiem has the best booze, so me, Elena, and Rude came here to see ourselves. Course, Elena just to wander off alone, and we're ready to go…so yeah."

Right….

What am I doing here? Cleaning duh!

…WHY MUST YOU ALL QUESTION MY JOURNAL?!!!!!!


	4. Time to die? Oo

**A:N Whoa, haven't updated this for a while. Sorry it's so short but I don't feel very good so…yeah….**

**Disclaimer: FFVII not mine…….**

………

………

………

That damn turkey won't stop following me. Ugh. Well, at least I'm not by myself in this creepy old place. Hm, since Vinny is out right now, the only person I can annoy is Reno!!

…….Stop reading over my shoulder!!! Yipe!!! A Turk really is fast!! He's scratching his head and still wondering why I'm writing in this thing so much.

Well, Mr. Turk. Why do you drink so much?

"Because."

….That's not a good enough answer you bas-OWIE!!!! Stupid monkey….Hmph, now he's answering his stupid PHS to look all cool and stuffies. I have one too you know!!!!!…….At least until Barret took it away when I used it to listen to him sing in the shower. I will never look at 'A thousand words' (NOT MINE!!!) the same again. Huh? There's trouble in Midgar? What kind of trouble?

Bad trouble is not a good answer….

He's asking me if I want to come, cause it was Cloud who called. And he didn't call me??? The only thing I ever did to him was steal his materia.

….and take his sword….

….and slip pink hair dye into his shampoo….

….and knocked him unconscious, then dressed him as a chocobo, and sold him to some drunk perverted guy. Uh, I was low on gil geez people. Hey, why the hell not? I'll go.

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HOLY MACARENA!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT GETTING OFF OF THIS MOTORBIKE!!!!!! Why? Why do you ask, dear Turk? Easy: THERE'S FRIGGING DEFORMED MUTATED MONSTER THINGIES EVERYWHERE!!!! H-Hey! Come back; don't leave me! Crap, he's gone. Fine, I guess I'll just-SHIT!! Whew, I killed that thing easily with Conformer. Man, it looks like a really yucky, disgusting giant dog. Shudder. I better find Tifa and Spike head quick.

And here comes another!!! Gotcha!! Now, time to continue on. Hey, I see Seventh Heaven already. Tifa! I'm coming to hel-

Crap.

WHAT THE HELL????!!!! They look just like-just like….

Sephiroth.

Uh oh! They're coming this way…one has longish silver hair hanging in his face and is wearing completely leather with a long leather zip up coat thingy. Looks just as girly as Sephiroth. The other one is just as tall, but ahs short cropped silver hair and looks more muscular without the coat thingy. Shit, they're coming this way, and not only that….there frigging armed!!! The girly one said something.

"You're one of the AVALANCHE members, Yuffie Kisaragi. I am Yazoo, and this is my brother Loz."

Umm, no I'm not. It's your imagination. I'm really Bob the third.

"Very funny. It's a shame your humor will have to go to waste. Oh well. Time to die."

WHAAAAAAAT????????????


	5. Everything's gotta end sometime

AN: All things must come to an end; everyone knows that. So here it is, the final chapter of "The Ramblings of Yuffie" Warning, Yuffentine fluff towards the end!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It all comes down to this: me, the turkey, and the Sephiroth wannabes.

….I'm so screwed.

No! Come on Yuffie; pull it together man!

….or woman.

…..or ninja.

….or clinically insane.

Now, what was that man-woman's name? Ah yes, Yazoo. Lessee, and the muscle-head was Loz. Oh shit! They're walking towards us! Uh oh, now Reno's fighting with that weirdo Loz and Yazoo...Holy crap! He almost shot me! Dude, that was so not citizen-like.

"Maybe you should concentrate on me, rather than that book, hmm?"

There's nothing wrong with expressing your wonderful and deep, emotional feelings-gah! Stop doing that! Huh? What's that vrooming noise-

…How did I suddenly get on the back of a motorcycle? Hey wait, dorky sleeveless, black sweater, pierced ears, a big sword that's got to be got to be a hint for _something_, and hair that reminds me of a chocobo. It's Spikey! He's looking back at me, no wait. He's looking behind me…

Holy transsexual stripper!

They're following us! And on another note, on much cooler motorcycles. But then again, Cloud's can hold all those freaky swords. Damn, why must I always be chased by incredibly sexy men?

……Best not to answer that….

Oh man! They're shooting at us again. Great, no sign of the turkey either. Guess he got his butt whooped. Oh well. His loss.

"Yuffie! Stop writing in that journal and block some of their bullets!" All right! Don't yell at me Spikey! Hey, I blocked one! My Conformer's stronger than I thought. I didn't know it could actually stand up to bullets.

"…..Oh shit…" Hmm? Did you say something Spikey? I don't see anything else coming-

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! BAD! BAD! BAD!!!!

Some other bike is heading straight for us and whoever it is has that perfect looking silver hair. Oh crap! We're be sandwiched like a PB and J!!!

Oh my God! Cloud just got hit three times! He looks pale…and his eyes are closing! Shit man! If he falls unconscious, I have to drive! And now the other guy's going to hit us-

* * *

Yep, I'm so dead.

No, literally, I think I'm dead.

Okay, so maybe I'm not…

Actually, when we were fixing to get smashed into pieces, I remembered my Bahamut materia that I stole BACK from Vinny after that fiasco in Rocket Town. That's right, _I _saved me and Cloud's asses. Heheh. He's not too happy about that fact either. We're in the seventh heaven right now; those freaky silver haired guys got away too.

Tifa's fussing with Cloud's wounds; he's blushing. Ugh, damn lovebirds. Anyway, I've got some bad news: I'm almost out of paper! Yeah, Yuffie's great journal, gone!

Finished!

Full!

Completely stuffed!

I know; it's horrible isn't it? Hmm, Vinny just walked in. He's walking this way…and staring at my arm. Oh, it's bleeding? Yazoo must've shot me. Huh? No, you don't have to bandage it! Crap, I can feel myself blushing, not to mention the fact that I'm almost out of paper. Well, I guess this is goodbye….

I leave you with these final words:

"Plastic daggers _can _hurt."

This has been ramblings of Yuffie.

See yah later monkeys!

Yuffie Kisagari.

* * *

"Owie…" Yuffie quietly muttered, applying more pressure to the continuing flow of blood leaking out of her injury. The bullet had fortunately passed all the way through her left arm, but nonetheless, still pained the young ninja greatly. Her deep, chocolate colored eyes silently gazed down at the leather bound book laying next to her on the roof of the Seventh Heaven. The corners of her soft, rosy lips curled up into a joyful smile, despite the burning sensations spreading up her arm like a wildfire. A harsh, bitter wind ripped through the large, bulky town of Midgar and Yuffie could not calm the loud chattering of her pearly white teeth, nor the shuddering of her long, thin arms.

Instantly, a large, heavy, warm material was draped over her shaking form. She blinked, tilting her chin upward. Her eyes met a pair of slim, crimson ones. Yuffie could feel her whole body blush in embarrassment, as Vincent seated himself next to her. Since his cloak was gone –currently covering her own body, of course- she could easily see his handsome, pale features. 'Ack! What are you doing Yuffie?! This is Vinny for crying out loud!' she thought frantically. She muttered shy a reply of thanks. Suddenly, the hand that she had been pressing the cloth against her arm with was removed, and the slim fingers of Vincent took its place, gently cleaning the wound with another cloth he had brought out.

Yuffie glared, pouting childishly. "I'm NOT a kid, you know." Vincent chuckled, letting another one of his rare smiles break through; Yuffie's heart melted. He ripped a strip of bandages from the roll he brought out.

"I know that. But, I wish to help you, Yuffie." Yuffie blinked once more, watching as Vincent's eyes trailed down to her forgotten journal. Sighing, he reached behind him, and pulled something from his back. "It looked as if you were out of paper in there so-ack!" Vincent cried out very uncharacteristically, landing with a _thud _as he Yuffie entrapped him in a hug.

"Thank you Vampy!" Vincent smiled, carefully prying the ninja from his neck. He flipped to his feet, staring wistfully up at the sky. Moonlight seemed to only light up their spot and no one else's.

"I think I'll head inside for now." Yuffie grinned, hugging the journal tightly.

"Righty-o!" He quietly slipped from her side and down the ladder, leaving the hyper teen to herself. She suddenly frowned, noticing that Vincent had left his cloak. She shrugged, opening her new journal. Yuffie paused. With shaking fingers, she grasped the blood, red rose tightly in her fingers, snaking it from its confounds in the new book. "A rose? But why?"

Then the truth sunk in.

Swallowing loudly, she pulled the rose to her chest; her face was the color of a tomato. Roses were beautiful…but didn't a red one signify…love? Shaking, she grasped the pen in her hand, and wrote her first excerpt.

Guess who's back baby?!!

THE END!!!!!!!!!


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